Deirdre's Bestfriend

“Hi.”

Seth turned and saw Deirdre, with her hair flowing with the summer breeze. He blinked and it took him a while to realize he was looking at Ilsa, one of Deirdre’s younger sisters. “Hi”, he said back, taking a deep breath. She raised an eyebrow and seemed to be holding a thought back. Seth stood up, smiled guiltily and approached her, “How are you?” he asked.

“I’m okay.” she started, “and you? I haven’t seen you in a while.” She took the last few steps between them and smiled tentatively.

He shrugged and gave her a hug. “Yeah well, your family moved.”

She sighed. “They didn’t want to stay, with Dre gone…” her voice faltered. “Well, you know, it was really hard.” Her eyes darted across his face, as if trying to gauge how he really was. He pretended he was fine.

But the truth was being with Ilsa was like being with Deirdre who wasn’t Deirdre. They looked so much alike, it was as if they were twins.

She sighed suddenly, as if giving up. “Anyway, I came by to give you this.” In her hand was a notebook… small, girly with all the butterflies and flowers decorating the faded, worn out cover. “It is… was Deirdre’s diary.” She added softly gazing at him through Deirdre’s eyes.

Seth was taken aback, “I never knew she had a diary.” He took the diary from her and suddenly felt dejected. “How can I not know about her diary? I know everything about her.” he thought.

“She had it before she met you…” Ilsa explained, as if reading his thoughts. “And I think she didn’t have time to write on it after you became friends.” He looked at her and his expression was impenetrable. “She uh, wanted you to have it… I uh, just didn’t know where to find it, she didn’t have a chance to tell me where it was actually… but uh… I should go.” She realized she was babbling as she watched him examining the diary as if it was her face he was looking at. She turned to leave and suddenly felt his hand on her arm. She stopped and turned back to look at him. There was this sad yet happy look on his face as he whispered, “Thank you.” He hugged her then and then went back to where he was sitting when she came, the diary already open to the last page.

Dear Seth,

It’s been years since I wrote in this diary, about 6 actually. And no, it isn’t a coincidence that I stopped writing when we became friends. I guess, in a way, you became my diary… my best friend.

I never had someone listen to me the way you did. That was the reason why I started a diary in the first place. I needed someone who would listen, no matter how mundane or life-altering my thoughts were, I wanted to be heard. You gave me that chance.

I love you.

And I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you what was happening. It seemed so fast, and no matter how much I tell myself that you would be there for me the way you always have been, I guess I couldn’t tell you I was leaving. It would break my heart to see you so sad. It would break my heart to say goodbye.

I’m leaving you this diary, so not only would you know me as your best friend, you would know how miserable I was without you. Whenever you’re missing me, you could read this and imagine how wonderful my life became when we became friends.

My mom said that even if I wouldn’t be here, I could still watch over you from heaven. And I will, I promise.

Best friends forever okay?

Yours,

Deirdre

Ilsa watched him for awhile from the fire escape door. She took a deep breath, and let her eyes roam around the rooftop… she could almost feel Deirdre’s presence. And before tears began to fall, she left. Seth was sitting on their spot under the billboard, letting the tears Ilsa held back fall.

Seth

He was alone again.

There was a time a few years ago when he didn't mind being alone. The tranquility of isolation was what he looked forward to the most. He would spend hours on the rooftop... Thinking and playing on his own. His isolation from the world was a gift. An escape from the chaotic world he lived in, even if it was only a few floors up. And then, she came to that rooftop...

"Hi."

Startled, Seth turned around to the intruder. He scowled at her and said... "Yes? What are you doing here?"

She moved in closer. "Well, we just moved here. My mom said not to go out but I just had to see the beautiful blue sky... So I came up here instead. My name's Deirdre, what's your's?"

His scowl deepened but found himself quite drawn to her. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Why?!"

"Because this is my rooftop. My place... Mine."

"Can't you share? I promise I won't bother you... Besides, my mom said that people who don't share will go to hell. You don't want to go there, do you?", she said smiling like an angel.

That was how he met her. It was strained at first... She talked too much and he valued silence. And yet for some reason their souls molded. And for years they were inseparable. If only he could bring it back. Bring her back... He sighed and sat on the edge of the rooftop, swinging his dangled feet. Below him the streets were filled with children playing. Some were playing tag. One boy fell as he chased his friends. He stood up, didn't even brush up the dirt on his clothes, and kept chasing. Another group were huddled around a pretty girl with pigtails who was laughing so hard. Soon her playmates were infected with her laughter and their laughter echoed up to him.

"Deirdre... I miss you", he whispered. "See, I'm not afraid of falling anymore..."

"Come sit with me!!!", she yelled. Deirdre sat on the edge, with her feet dangling, her hair flying around her and her smile about a mile wide.

"I'll sit right here thank you very much." Seth said as he flopped underneath the billboard at the center of the rooftop. "I don't have a death wish."

"Were only a few stories up... you won't fall.", she said laughing. "You won't fall... I promise."

"And why won't I fall?"

"Because I won't let you." Her face was solemn and sincere.

Stubborn, he said, "No. Ask me again and I'll never come up here with you."

She sighed and shook her head. "Boys...", she muttered.

That was the last time she asked him to sit with her. He looked down the street and realized how high up he was. Only it didn't bother him at all. Instead he felt energized... like he could do anything... even fly. He closed his eyes relished the cold breeze upon his face. Memories of her flooded every part of his soul...

and for a moment, he wasn't quite as alone.

Deirdre and Seth

It’s a very quiet night… almost eerie and the stars were twinkling at the night sky, almost beckoning those who stare at it. A thirteen-or-so-year-old girl sat at the edge of the building’s rooftop, swinging her feet and craning her neck up at the sky. She was singing softly as the cool night breeze teased her shoulder-length brown hair, oblivious to the fact that a slight push can send her falling. Below her there was almost no one in the poorly lit streets. Except for that man wearing a faded denim jacket and a black cap hurrying down the alley, clutching a brown bag to his chest. He disappeared into the backdoor of a rundown factory which used to produce quality mattresses. Nearby, a cat was foraging for food at the dump, causing sudden crashes that woke up a fat woman living at the second floor. Swearing, she threw a bucket of water at the animal and closed her window.

“Deirdre… you’ve been here long?”

The girl, Deirdre, looked up at her friend indifferently and shook her head.

“Did I startle you?” he asked as he sat beside her. He looked down and shivered. “I don’t know how you can sit here and not be scared of falling..." he muttered and stood up. Deirdre watched Seth with interested but somewhat wary eyes as he walked to the center of the rooftop, beneath a billboard sign of toothpaste. She followed him and sat Indian style next to him at their spot.

“You look…” she started.

“Look what?”

“Sad?” her eyes roamed around his face, searching, then sighed. “Different I suppose.”

“Try mad, hurting, angry, pained, fuming, upset, irate.” Seth spat out suddenly. “Your choice!”

Deirdre looked at him and sighed. “You know.” she whispered. “Who told you?” Tears sprang in her eyes as she fidgeted with the iron bars that supported the billboard, trying to hold back the sob that was threatening to escape her.

“Maureen,” referring to Deirdre’s five-year-old sister. He picked up a bottle cap lying around and threw it. The cap hit a window. Almost immediately, a light went on and the window opened. A young boy looked out, shouted ghost, and then quickly disappeared inside. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how.”

“That’s it?! That’s your excuse? I’m your best friend Di,” he said chokingly, “you can tell me anything.”

They have been sneaking out to stay at the rooftop for years. The stars and moon above and the concrete below are witnesses to their cries, laughter, dreams and sometimes silence. Everything that went on in their lives were analyzed and pondered here. But they just didn’t have an idea that their spot had room for leukemia.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh… so I am not now?”

Deirdre sighed, closed her eyes and bit her lip. Seth turned toward her and hugged her, whispering I’m sorry over and over. She pulled away after a while. The silence that followed was strained.

“They said it’s too late…,” she whispered, “and that we should have gone there earlier. There’s nothing they can do. It's funny how my name sums up everything I feel right now.” (Deirde or Deirdre (Celtic), sorrow, bitterness.)

Seth looked at her one more time, trying to memorize her face, almost afraid that he may forget. She leaned towards him as he held her, and cried.

The night was still as quiet and as cold. Beyond the rooftop, the streets were still bathed with the same dull, yellow light, the stars were still twinkling and beckoning. The cat came back for a second chance at the dump and the denim-jacket-black-cap clad man was leaving the rundown factory. The young boy was looking out of is window pointing to something while his mom shook her head.

Everything, beyond the rooftop, was as it should be.